


Light Up

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Body Worship, Conflicted Kylo Ren, Declarations Of Love, Dominant Kylo Ren, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Topping, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Possessive Kylo Ren, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Sad Kylo Ren, Soft Kylo Ren, The Force Ships It, Top Kylo Ren, Virgin Kylo Ren, Weird Fluff, virgin Poe Dameron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 11:03:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16117073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Poe finding Kylo Ren on Moraband leads to unexpected developments.





	Light Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MidgardianNerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: For MidgardianNerd, who had a headache earlier. Title from the song “Run” by Snow Patrol.

Moraband should have brought him some sort of refuge from his emotions. It doesn’t. Ever since Crait, with Luke’s humiliation of him (does it never end, he wonders. Will Luke Skywalker continue to haunt him when his hair is streaked with gray?), the disappearance of his father’s dice, the scavenger turning her back on him...Kylo Ren doubts he’s ever felt more lost. Being Supreme Leader should have stilled the conflict in him. 

It’s done the opposite. 

In the air, he can practically hear the people who came before, echoing in his mind. Darth Sion, Darth Traya, Darth Revan...just to name three. They howl at him, the Dark Side howls, and he can’t stay steady. 

He’s on the ground, sitting with his legs crossed, in a typical meditative position, but he can’t just welcome them in. The Dark Side...how the Dark Side scorches cold. The wind tears at his hair, and he thinks of everything wrong that ever happened to him: his uncle’s casual cruelty, his parents’ fear of him, having to lose Poe purposely...

It was easy at Crait. On Crait, it was like every bit of anger tore open inside him. Like killing Snoke and his Praetorian Guards was the last hook on his sanity that came undone. But here...he feels like he’s about to drown. 

Footsteps. Kylo opens his eyes, and it’s like the voices stop. Poe stands above him, not with a blaster drawn but with a blaster at his side nonetheless. 

“Who talks first?” Kylo says.

***

”This wasn’t exactly how I pictured we’d meet as enemies.”

They’re sitting on the ground in the Valley of the Dark Lords; stars knows where the rest of the Resistance are. 

“Oh?” Kylo said. “How did you picture it?”

Poe shrugged. “Something a little grander. Now that I think about it, it’s not exactly the place to go to for a first date either...”

Kylo can’t help it. He laughs. Poe looks at him in wonder. “You just...”

”Well, don’t tell anyone. I do have a reputation to uphold,” Kylo says. 

“Cross my heart.”

It feels so easy, talking. It shouldn’t feel easy, after everything Kylo did to him. Maybe it’s some bizarre bond they have, something that even he and the scavenger couldn’t touch. The scavenger only thought she knew him. Poe knows him too well. 

“Ben.” Poe says, and it hurts when he says it. A dull ache that Kylo doubts he can get out of his heart. “Why did you leave me?”

”I wanted you safe.”

Poe snorted. “You didn’t exactly succeed at that.”

Moraband’s getting too dry and dusty for Kylo’s liking, and there’s nothing for him here but Poe. The voices are tearing at his head, and he grips it. It hurts. Gods, it tears through him like the Force splitting the ground open...

”Ben!” Poe’s arms are around him in that moment, and Kylo’s painfully aware that he hasn’t been touched like this in a long time. He’s used to being hurt — that was one of the reasons his father’s caress startled him, and why Poe’s embrace startles him now. “Ben...breathe.”

Poe doesn’t know what it’s like. He doesn’t know what it’s like to hear constant voices, to never feel at peace. If not for the fact that Poe’s such a loving, caring being, Kylo would almost hate him. 

“We should go inside,” Kylo says. “The others...”

”I came alone. I figured they wouldn’t understand.”

Kylo snorts. “Idiot. You’re an idiot.”

”You could say that,” Poe says. 

***

Inside is a simple shuttle. Kylo finds the headache drugs in the cabinet; he doesn’t know if they’ll help against the Dark Side, but the pain dulls for the moment. Poe looks at him in worry. “How do you not go mad?”

”Maybe I’m already mad,” Kylo says. “At least that’s what they say.”

Poe pauses. Then, “You didn’t exactly do a good job at keeping me safe.”

”I suppose I didn’t,” Kylo says. Torturing Poe...he wonders if that was his Mustafar moment. His grandfather choked his grandmother, and he tortured Poe. It wasn’t like his first interrogation where he’d vomited after, but it still left him feeling sick long after he’d walked out (though he hadn’t shown it in front of Hux). 

“I can’t hate you. Not completely. I mean...” Poe runs a hand through his hair. “I want to, but I can’t. I guess my feelings are a mess.”

”I know.” Kylo walks over towards him, and he’s aware of how much taller he is than Poe. For someone almost delicate-looking, Poe is stronger than Kylo ever could be. “Wait...what do you mean ‘a mess’?”

”You’re the one who can read minds.”

He can. But Kylo’s not willing to do it, not again. And he doesn’t know if he can believe it, actually. His uncle implied with the subtlety of a brick that it was a miracle if anyone would want him, and Snoke did the same. Ben Solo never stood a chance, and this was no exception. 

“I love you. Even after all you’ve done. Even after all you put me through. I shouldn’t, but I’m here, and it’s true. I know there’s a part of you that isn’t lost forever. I don’t have the Force, but I know that it’s the case.”

And Kylo can believe it. He can’t help but crush the pilot against his body, rubbing his back. He remembers something that Bastila Shan said to Darth Revan. About how nothing felt safer than to be loved by him. He wonders, in a way, if he is Bastila, and Poe is his Revan, pulling him out of the sea of darkness he’s trying to tread. 

“I never thought...”

”What do you mean?” Poe says when he draws away. 

“Well,” Kylo says. “I never thought you’d say it. That’s all.”

”And here I am.”

”Yes,” Kylo says. “Here you are.”

***

They have to go back to their respective sides,  but Kylo keeps Poe’s declaration close, in his heart where no one else can reach. He’s not just Supreme Leader of the First Order; in his heart, he is Poe’s, and that can’t be denied. He feels it as one of those few bits of warmth he can cling to — and he should resist, but at the same time, he wants to cling to it. He wants to hear Poe’s voice when he can, in his dreams or over transmissions or in Holonet reports. 

Light up, Poe. Spread your light throughout the galaxy. It’s a light that needs to be reflected. The galaxy needs more of that, not less. 

***

The first time they kiss, it’s a little awkward, trying to get past noses and then, trying to breathe as they kiss, and Kylo is suddenly too conscious of his large nose and too large lips, but that evaporates when Poe kisses him, gentle at first before more feeling, and Kylo can feel warmth spreading through his body. He wants more. Not just to kiss Poe, but to connect with him in all ways. Connect with him, as he should have when they were young adults, instead of the battle-scarred men they are now. 

He breaks away, speaks, his voice a little rough. “I...” How does he voice what he wants, at least in that way? 

“You want to touch me?”

”Yes.”

”Please.”

Kylo almost doesn’t want to touch Poe. He fears he’ll get burned. Poe seems to be radiating light and heat, and Kylo feels unworthy in the face of such beauty and grace. 

And yet he touches Poe. 

He asks every step of the way if this is okay, looking towards Poe as he undoes his clothes, and Poe encourages him. Poe is magnificent under his clothes, an expanse of golden skin and a delicate-looking form that Kylo fears will almost shatter under his fingertips. He knows he’s shattering, everything that he’s taught himself coming down like a house of sabaac cards. 

Kylo’s stripped before Poe in turn, and he can feel the weight of Poe’s desire and reverence. He hasn’t expected this, any of this. And here they both are. 

Kylo is the one who ultimately pleasures Poe; when he wants something, he takes it. He finds himself being careful all the while, fearing Poe will shatter. Then again, Poe’s already shattered. He puts together Poe with his lips and fingers, touching so gently and kissing so tenderly. He’s beautiful and Kylo’s all wrong, and here they are. 

Poe doesn’t speak coherently, though his moans are indicative that Kylo is doing a good job (and the occasional swear word). 

Kylo comes across a few scars from the interrogation, scars that haven’t faded, and a few battle scars, and he glides lips and fingers over them, feeling both tremble. He comes to Poe’s shaft and he curls his hand around it, touching it, stroking it, and Poe arches underneath him. 

“Gods...”

”I’m flattered, Poe,” Kylo says wryly. “But I’m not a god.”

Eventually it gets too much, and Kylo has to feel Poe from within. He says as much, and Poe says yes. He prepares himself, prepares Poe, and it’s long, but Kylo’s not about to hurt Poe again. Finally, he sheathes himself in Poe, and stars, it feels good. Poe keens, and Kylo murmurs, “Louder. You sound beautiful. I want to hear you.”

He wants the Resistance to hear if possible. To hell with everything; they should know that Poe Dameron is his alone, and everything is all right. 

Poe lets go. Kylo takes him again and again, and it’s reckless, what they’re doing, but it feels good. So complete. The Force is humming around them, and when Poe comes, the heat splatters Kylo’s thighs and belly. 

Kylo comes, and he feels like he can’t stop. Eventually he does, and he collapses carefully next to Poe, holding him close. 

“I love you,” he says. “No matter what happens, I always will.”

”You don’t have to tell me,” Poe says. “I know.”


End file.
